The Wanted

A few years ago, I was in a horribly destructive relationship. My heart was just so unstable, and I was in no position to be dating somebody. But, my heart was longing for something that needed to be satisfied, and I thought I would find that satisfaction dating this boy. The two of us are friends, now. In fact, better friends than I believe we were before we dated. However, when we began dating, it didn't take long for me to figure out that we were two people that truly didn't belong with one another.

We fought. Oh man, did we fight. It seemed like we fought about every little thing we could. And it was so incredible to see two people that claimed to care about one another so deeply, fight so passionately. There was never any kind of physical abuse; it was all in the words. The biting sarcasm; the bitter and angry accusations; the pride.

Have you ever heard that saying, "Real love is worth fighting for?" Yeah, well, that's what my mindset was at the time. I thought to myself,

 

We're only fighting because of love; once we get over this hill, things will be so much easier.

 

 

So, what did I do? I did something very stupid.

 

I took the blame for everything we fought about.

 

Maybe that doesn't sound so bad when you first read it, but just take a second to think about the weight of what I did: "Sorry" became my native tongue. I, willingly, became his verbal punching bag. Even when I did nothing to deserve punishment, I took the blame, simply because I didn't want him to leave me. And it didn't help. Know why? It let him think that it was okay to put everything on me, because I was too dependent on him. And eventually, he ran out of things to blame me for, and he broke up with me, and left.

 

The one thing I thought I was helping to prevent, happened. He left. He abandoned me. He didn't want me anymore.

 

I wasn't seeking a boy to love and care for, for the rest of my days. I was seeking to be wanted. I put up with all of the pain and heartache, because I couldn't bear the thought of being left alone, unwanted, and unloved.

 

Ours hearts all crave to feel like we are worth something to somebody. I'm not just talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, here.

 

Maybe you're seeking to be wanted by your peers. Your parents. Your siblings. Your colleagues. Maybe your mom and/or dad left you when you were little. Abandonment is only too real to you*.

 

*(Psalm 27:10.)

 

We, as humans, fear it. We will do whatever it takes to feel as if we are wanted by somebody. Whether you take heartache on yourself to save a relationship that's suffering, or give your body away to be used by somebody that doesn't care about your needs or your heart, or let our inner insecurities rule the way we live our lives.

 

We want, we need, to be wanted. We need to be reassured that we will not be left alone; that we are valued. We cherish the thought of somebody not being able to live without us in their life. And one of the unfortunate downfalls of most people is the simple fact that they're conditional. They cannot love or want us the way we desire to be loved and wanted.

 

Can I let you in on a little secret, though?

 

We are the wanted.

 

We do not have to fear abandonment. We will never be alone. Over 2,000 years ago, the Son of God died for you. He couldn't bear the thought of you living an eternity separated from Him, so He gave His life. He did it for love. Not just the word, but for the love He has for you.

 

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

 

When everyone else has left, He remains. Jesus is interested in you. He knows your needs, and He knows your heart. He isn't going anywhere. With Him, abandonment isn't even an option.

 

Beloved, you are the wanted. You have always been sought after with a love that cannot be compared to anything the world has. You will never be left alone, nor will you ever be abandoned.

 

What are you waiting for? Let go of your fears, and surrender yourself to Love.

 

 

 

-Madison