The Wanted

A few years ago, I was in a horribly destructive relationship. My heart was just so unstable, and I was in no position to be dating somebody. But, my heart was longing for something that needed to be satisfied, and I thought I would find that satisfaction dating this boy. The two of us are friends, now. In fact, better friends than I believe we were before we dated. However, when we began dating, it didn't take long for me to figure out that we were two people that truly didn't belong with one another.

We fought. Oh man, did we fight. It seemed like we fought about every little thing we could. And it was so incredible to see two people that claimed to care about one another so deeply, fight so passionately. There was never any kind of physical abuse; it was all in the words. The biting sarcasm; the bitter and angry accusations; the pride.

Have you ever heard that saying, "Real love is worth fighting for?" Yeah, well, that's what my mindset was at the time. I thought to myself,

 

We're only fighting because of love; once we get over this hill, things will be so much easier.

 

 

So, what did I do? I did something very stupid.

 

I took the blame for everything we fought about.

 

Maybe that doesn't sound so bad when you first read it, but just take a second to think about the weight of what I did: "Sorry" became my native tongue. I, willingly, became his verbal punching bag. Even when I did nothing to deserve punishment, I took the blame, simply because I didn't want him to leave me. And it didn't help. Know why? It let him think that it was okay to put everything on me, because I was too dependent on him. And eventually, he ran out of things to blame me for, and he broke up with me, and left.

 

The one thing I thought I was helping to prevent, happened. He left. He abandoned me. He didn't want me anymore.

 

I wasn't seeking a boy to love and care for, for the rest of my days. I was seeking to be wanted. I put up with all of the pain and heartache, because I couldn't bear the thought of being left alone, unwanted, and unloved.

 

Ours hearts all crave to feel like we are worth something to somebody. I'm not just talking about boyfriends and girlfriends, here.

 

Maybe you're seeking to be wanted by your peers. Your parents. Your siblings. Your colleagues. Maybe your mom and/or dad left you when you were little. Abandonment is only too real to you*.

 

*(Psalm 27:10.)

 

We, as humans, fear it. We will do whatever it takes to feel as if we are wanted by somebody. Whether you take heartache on yourself to save a relationship that's suffering, or give your body away to be used by somebody that doesn't care about your needs or your heart, or let our inner insecurities rule the way we live our lives.

 

We want, we need, to be wanted. We need to be reassured that we will not be left alone; that we are valued. We cherish the thought of somebody not being able to live without us in their life. And one of the unfortunate downfalls of most people is the simple fact that they're conditional. They cannot love or want us the way we desire to be loved and wanted.

 

Can I let you in on a little secret, though?

 

We are the wanted.

 

We do not have to fear abandonment. We will never be alone. Over 2,000 years ago, the Son of God died for you. He couldn't bear the thought of you living an eternity separated from Him, so He gave His life. He did it for love. Not just the word, but for the love He has for you.

 

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." John 14:18

 

When everyone else has left, He remains. Jesus is interested in you. He knows your needs, and He knows your heart. He isn't going anywhere. With Him, abandonment isn't even an option.

 

Beloved, you are the wanted. You have always been sought after with a love that cannot be compared to anything the world has. You will never be left alone, nor will you ever be abandoned.

 

What are you waiting for? Let go of your fears, and surrender yourself to Love.

 

 

 

-Madison

 

 

 

 

 





We're All Imperfect

We're all imperfect. Take myself, for example:

• I am not as thin as I could be.
• I had braces for two years, and never achieved the smile that I wanted.
• My heart is made up of a million different insecurities.
• My skin is the epitome of "white and nerdy."
• Acne. (Do I really need to say more about that?)

Now, I could go on for ages about these imperfections, except, who cares? They don't define me. They each play a role in making me unique; seriously, why strive to look like a Victoria Secret model* when you can offer the world more than material worth?

*(Just don't. Don't disrespect your body, and don't strive to be a sex icon. You're worth so much more than that.)

I used to think physical perfection was beautiful. But, physical perfection doesn't exist. We all have things about ourselves that we consider flawed. And, chances are, you're the only one that notices the majority of them. No, really. We don't notice the things you hate about yourself, just as you don't notice the things I hate about myself.

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We all want to be loved and accepted, and be happy forever. We can't help it; it's written into the fabric of who we are. And it totally sucks that society portrays the lie that if we're super thin, super tan, and blemish free, THEN we will find those things; then we'll be loved; then we'll be accepted; then we'll be happy. Society tells us that we should disrespect our bodies and become images of sex, to both men and women.

Stop. Stop, right now. Don't you dare buy into that lie. Believe it or not, those things will fade. Your skin will not be perfectly tan forever (unless, of course, you're into feeling like leather), and your body will wear out. Want to know why? We were not made to last forever. We never were. We were not made to be sex icons, nor were we made to think our physical appearance will cause us to achieve love and acceptance.

Because it won't. Not the kind our hearts long for.

Here's a secret: that happiness I mentioned earlier? Temporary. Happiness is not what our hearts want; we want joy. Happiness is simply a product of joy. Make sense? Happiness = Temporary. Joy = Eternal.

Loves, we aren't going to truly begin to experience joy, love, or acceptance, until we come to the understanding that only Jesus can provide those for us.

He died for YOU. He laid down His life for you. John 15:13 says that there is no greater love than that.

Did you catch that?

No. Greater. Love. Not only are you loved, but you are loved with a love that cannot be surpassed! No other love compares to the love that Christ loves you with. You are loved. Love love love. Gets a bit repetitive, but isn't that the point?

The flaws that stick out so blatantly to us? They're loved. Because they are a part of who we are, and, as we just established, we are loved. In fact, I don't think Jesus even considers them to be flaws. Song of Solomon 4:7 says, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is NO flaw in you." Do you need to read it again? Go for it. Memorize it. Because that verse is meant for you and me, and not something to be cast aside as an afterthought.

Society points out your "flaws" and tears you down. Jesus doesn't even see them. He's too busy loving you.

You are loved, and you are worth loving. If you still don't believe me, read this post again. Do it until you believe it.

-Madison

My Introduction

Hello, lovely.

 

Can we take a minute to talk about how beautiful you are? That you are cherished? Loved beyond comprehension? Because, you are all three of those things.

 

Let me introduce myself; my name is Madison. I'm 18 years old, and I want you to feel loved. 

 

In fact, I love, because He loved me first ( 1 John 4:11. )

 

I don't want to shove my faith down your throat, but the love I experience every day because of Jesus is not something I should keep to myself. I want every person, girls and boys, to understand that their shame does not define who they are. Your past does not define you. Your home life, your mistakes, your pain. Those are all examples of things that do not change the unwavering truth that you are beautifully loved.

 

A year and a half ago, I was in a constant state of loneliness, stress, and depression. I just wanted to die, plainly put. I did not feel loved. I did not feel cherished. I felt ugly. Who in their right mind would love such a mess like me?

 

I had three suicide attempts. And each one, I was courageous enough to back down.*

 

*(Side note - Backing out of committing suicide is not being a coward; it is courage. Ending your life is the easy way out, and not an option.)

 

A year ago, God did this beautiful thing: He set me free. He brought people into my life to show me just how loved I truly am. He gave me joy, so that I never fall into depression again. He made me into a new person.

 

Now, you may be reading this and thinking, "I'm not worth it. No one loves me. I'm not beautiful. No one would care if I were to kill myself."

 

Shut up. You are loved more than you could ever know. We're all broken people, but we're all capable of loving and being loved. That's what makes us so beautiful. *You are worth it.*

 

So yeah, that's my goal. To convince you of this simple truth: You are beautiful. You are cherished. And you are loved. And no one can take that away from you.

 

Until next time,

Madison